So they say that pediatrics is more about the parents than the kids. I guess I chalked that up to hyperbole.

Good lord was I wrong.

The very first couple that I saw were bringing in their first baby (5 weeks old). The kid was absolutely adorable. Mom and Dad pounced on Dr. B like a hawk the second he walked in. Now, I’d like to point out a couple of things before I continue this story.

1) The dad is a doctor.
2) The mom is a (high powered) lawyer.
3) This is the kind of couple that can handle the running of a small country, survive shipwrecked on a deserted island, or find the cure for cancer. They were that smart.

They brought their baby in because of a rash. The conversation transpired as follows.

Dr. B: So this rash came on about a week ago?
Mom: Yes, probably 8 days or so.
Dad: She also has colic. I perform these maneuvers (he proceeds to show us a series of extremely painful-looking movements on the baby. She looks extremely unhappy) to help expel the flatulence from her rectum.
Dr. B: And where did you pick those up?
Dad: Oh, we use them in my practice. They’re pretty standard (the baby begins to cry). Honey, do you want to tell him about the hair?
Mom: Oh… I freaked out because she had little soft downy hairs all over her shoulder, back, and forehead. I don’t want her to look like a caveman.
Dad interjects: Y’see, doc, the women on my side of the family… I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m Indian (he’s very obviously Indian) and they all have really awful facial hair. It’s pretty gross.
Mom: Yeah, I figured I’d nip it in the bud… and so I used Nair all over her.
Dad: But that’s not why we’re here. We’re wondering what’s causing her rash.

Uncomfortably long pause.

Dr. B: It’s probably the Nair.

Somehow I managed to stop from giggling. I love medicine.

Hey there Grand Rounds readers… check out my Best Of for more (or if you’re a med student, I’m doing daily USMLE facts to force myself to keep posting while studying for Boards)

So I start preceptoring tomorrow. This means I get to go into a pediatrician’s office (coincidentally, my pediatrician from when I was a wee babe) and pretend that I know stuff. I’ll be following him around, watching what he does- until he starts throwing me into the patient’s rooms first. Scary… by the end of this year they expect me to do an entire history and physical, followed by a full presentation on findings. I’m so excited! That I just can’t hide it! I’m about to lose control but I think I like it! Wooo!

In other news, I continue to love Google in more than a platonic way. A few months ago they added Google Calendar which takes .csv schedules and puts them into a totally sweet online interface.

…and the specter of “State Medical School” rears its ugly head.

Pathology labs are going to be, for lack of a better word, a clusterfuck. Normally there are 6 rooms for the lab to take place in. Unfortunately, due to the curriculum change, construction is occuring. Next year’s class gets plasma screen TVs, entirely renovated MDLs, gold-plated laptops, and time-traveling DeLoreans. I may be lying about the latter two.

This means that they have squashed the second year medical students into two rooms for path lab. Roughly 50 people per room, desperately vying for a glimpse of lung cancer. Today was a madhouse… people screaming back and forth, the teacher trying to make sure that everyone saw each specimen (which, of course, they didn’t). Furthermore, previously there was one teacher per room (6). Now there are 2 rooms… and 2 teachers. Somehow 4 pathologists aren’t teaching us any more.

Dear first year class: I hate you.

Those two suffixes are going to comprise roughly 50% of everything we’re going to learn in pathology this year.

-itis? Appendicitis. Laryngitis. Endocarditis.

-oma? Hepatoma. Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Neuroma.

Bring it on, excessively clear nomenclature.

At one point during my summer I had to pick up a list of names from a woman in medical records. All was fine and dandy until she called me Doctor.

I was almost out the door as she did but I about-faced and told her that I was just a medical student. There was no way I am taking on that responsibility yet. I’ve seen what those guys with the fancy “M.D.” after their name have to do and they are WAY out of my league right now. I’m perfectly happy being a medical student right now, thank you very much.

In other news, Court and I were talking about dentists today. One of the dentists I know in town used to joke before I went to medical school that I was making a huge mistake.

“Go to dentistry school” he would say. “You’ll make a killing, never have to deal with insurance, work 9-4, and love what you do even more for it”. Who knows, maybe he’s right. M.D.’s sure seem to go through a lot of shit nowadays.

He mentioned that my second option should be plastic surgeon. Same perks as the dentists, pull in a cool mil a year. That argument’s starting to sound pretty good, unlike when I first came in to medical school. It’ll be interesting to do my preceptorship with a Pediatrician… I love TotShots so much, and yet I know that being a Peds doc is consigning yourself to an endless hell of worried moms, 8-6 hours just to meet the bills, and chronic runny noses.

Man, you never think you’ll get swayed by money but when you’re looking at all those sweet flat-screen TV’s at Costco money starts looking damn good.