And if that doesn’t do it for you, Happy Chaunukah, Happy Kwanzaa, or… whatever it is that Flying Spaghetti Monster adherents celebrate.

So, I’m on break. Have been for a week. I have been completely, totally, and 100% unproductive. I have played two video games (Grim Fandango and Zelda: Twilight Princess, for those of you who are counting). I haven’t finished either of them. I started reading Life of Pi tonight. If you haven’t read it yet, I suggest that you do.

I am finding, interestingly enough, that I have too much leisure on my hands. There are too many distractions for me to handle. During the school year I kept telling myself that come break, I could REALLY sit down and watch TV, read books, play games, to my heart’s content. Now that break is actually here, I find that sitting on the couch for 14 hours a day watching TV/reading books/playing games just isn’t all that satisfying. In fact, I feel like I’ve wasted my week so far.

It is possible that part of this is that I’ve been cooped up at my family’s house for the week (to those of you who’ve invited me out, I’m sorry I haven’t made it). It is also possible that I’m now so used to working in high stress* that having nothing to do just doesn’t cut it for me any more. If so, I sadly proclaim this as The Death of Leisure**.

Anyhow, I know that I’m going to look back on this break and wish it was still here. But, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t pull out my USMLE book today and look at a few pages here and there.

*Look, before you all call me on it, I know, I don’t get stressed. But I’m in the environment, so it still counts. Doesn’t have to be me stressing.
**This may be ever so slightly too dramatic, but grandiose statements like that one make for better TV.

Now, I’m not one to go in for potty humor*. But today, the most awesomest thing ever happened.

I was sitting, taking my pathology test. Nothing could be more serious. My grade was on the line. Zac Concentration was at max power.

All of a sudden, someone farted. I don’t mean some tiny little fart, either. This thing rocked the entire auditorium. Heads turned. Walls shaked. Babies started crying. I don’t know who it was. All I know is that it was some girl sitting to my left**, and I desperately tried to pretend that someone had moved a chair to make this thunderous noise.

I was doing fine until Nelly started coughing. Poor guy was sitting behind the culprit, and apparently it was so bad that he couldn’t breathe. I heard him try to hold his breath, then I heard him cough on the rebound, then I heard him start to giggle, and then it was all over.

Remember being in middle school and having your friends do something really funny? Remember how you couldn’t stop laughing? And then how you got detention from the teacher***? It was kind of like that, except this time, you’re in medical school taking an exam on gastrointestinal pathology. And you’re laughing about farting.

Sweet Jesus was that funny. I love being immature.

*that is a VICIOUS lie. I’m all about potty humor. Please see such fantastic movies as Animal House, Super Troopers, Kung Pow!, etc.
**Girls don’t fart! They also don’t poop, pee, or do anything other than grace the earth with their etherial presence.
***I don’t even know why I bother with footnotes any more. Clearly this only happened to me.

It’s the night before finals, and I’m ready to get it over with. I’ve started to become intimately acquainted with the feelings I get before tests.

1) Fatigue. It’s not just that I’m tired from lack of sleep, which I am. I’m just sick of going through these notes time and time again. I figured out today that I see any given page of notes at LEAST 4 times over the course of a semester. 1 during class, 2 while perusing it the first time, 3 while talking through it for the first time, and 4 the night before. That’s without any additional freebies, of which there are many.

2) Stress. No matter how much I know, there is always more. No matter how well I think I know a chapter inside and out there will always be an “oh, shit!” moment when I realize there is a word on the page I don’t recognize. Luckily, USUALLY they don’t test us on more than 10% minutia. Usually. There have been exceptions (and this upcoming test may very well be one of them).

3) Relief. We are officially 5 days away from being finished with this material. No matter how well or poorly I do on this set of exams, I worked for it, and it’s over.

4) Fear. Every exam down is one more step towards the boards… and if I think I’m stressed and tired now, just wait until that beast rolls around.

5) Blurge*. The urge to blog. i.e., not study. I should be looking at micro right now. This is my de-stress.

*P.S. I’m patenting the word blurge. Let it be known it was on agraphia first.

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