Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy


You know, I'm reading through some other med student/medical blog sites ( being the one that convinced me it was a good idea to start writing in the first place) and it's funny, there are some consistent themes.

Endless studying. You'll never know what it's like to be here. Difficult. No time for friends. No time for family. Eating badly. Not enough sleep. Not enough exercise. Swamped. No time to go to class.

Then, I look at doctor blogs. One entry that stands out in particular from Lingual Nerve is spacefan's recent entry, where she (the older, wiser doctor) laughs at the idealistic premeds (i.e. me a year ago) for actually wanting to help people. Bitter. Cynical.

Anyway. I see a lot of what I've been writing about mirrored in other people's writings. I know I've been focusing on the burnout, and the difficulties. I'm not really sure why, either. Day in, day out, I'm totally happy to be here. I love studying. I love the material. I learn something (many things!) daily that amaze me. That being said, when I come home at 11, I'm tired, and that is when this blog gets updated. I'll try to remind myself to post positives here. Frankly, I'm surprised I don't more often.

So, I guess this is my pre-finals apology to myself, and to my readers (whoever you may be... drop me an email sometime if you care!) for sounding as negative as I do. Maybe subconsciously I'm looking for sympathy, or acceptance, or appreciation. I hope that's not why I'm writing all this. I'd like to think it's because there is an awful lot of introspection and constant new new new that's being thrown at me, and I need an outlet.

By the way. I got to practice laparoscopic surgery on the ASTEC simulator (UA has an incredible surgery simulation suite, including a full out patient model with pulses, full bladders (that's right, I put in a Foley Catheter, wincing all the while) blood supply, full windpipe (with constricting vocal cords so you might need to do an emergency cricothyroidotomy in case the tube fails!) and full eye movements including pupillary dilation and constriction). It... was awesome. And, laparoscopic surgery is kind of like video games. Which is sweet. And with my past history of constant video gaming action... well, lets just say I'm not ruling anything out.

Anywho, that's what I've got to say for right now. I feel pretty confident going into my exams, I've still got 4 days to study anything I missed, and frankly, I love where I am in my life. Note to self. Be positive in entries... because I always am during most of the day.

Oh. Quick note on the "no time for class" thing I mentioned above. Several of my colleagues (first time I've ever used THAT word) have just blatantly stopped going to class. They feel so overwhelmed by the amount of material to learn that they just... stop going. Class isn't the "best use of your time" because you can get more done in an hour of studying than an hour of lecture. I, personally, think that sucks. Class for me is social. 8-3 class on Wednesdays means a 10-minute break at 9,10,11, and 2, plus an hour and 10 minute lunch. That's roughly 2 solid hours of time I get to spend with my friends. Don't really know where I'm going with this other than to say to you, my long-lost classmates: I miss you. Come back to us. We're a rather fun bunch if you just spent the time to hang out with us. Books can be lonely by themselves.

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