I'm not really sure what to do with myself right now.
My class of residents had our final dinner party last week. There were some tears, lots of laughter, and some very earnest plans made for when we'll all see each other next. The next morning, everyone left the city, leaving only a couple of us stragglers behind.
Over the past week, it has sunk in that for the first time in perhaps my entire life, I'm really alone. I went straight from college to medical school and through residency, so I have never had a period of time where I needed to figure out how to be alone. Sure, there were summers in college and (rare) vacations during my medical training, but for the most part those were spent with family or friends.
Residency is fairly isolating. The hours are brutal, and especially in emergency medicine, unpredictable. I have been fairly unsuccessful in keeping up a lot of friendships outside of the hospital, and for better or worse, my relationships have suffered as well. My girlfriend - well, ex-girlfriend now - moved all of her furniture out of my house today, leaving indents on the carpet where memories once stood.
So, since residency ended, I have been not Dr. Zac, or a Resident, or a Medical Student, or a College Student, or any of the other identities I've assumed over the past 25-some years of school and training.
Right now, I'm just Zac, and that's kind of neat. I guess I need to figure out who that is.
I start the next chapter of my life in a week. I hope it's as interesting to read as it will be to write.