Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy

13Jul/12Off

Alone

I'm not really sure what to do with myself right now.

My class of residents had our final dinner party last week.  There were some tears, lots of laughter, and some very earnest plans made for when we'll all see each other next.  The next morning, everyone left the city, leaving only a couple of us stragglers behind.

Over the past week, it has sunk in that for the first time in perhaps my entire life, I'm really alone.  I went straight from college to medical school and through residency, so I have never had a period of time where I needed to figure out how to be alone.  Sure, there were summers in college and (rare) vacations during my medical training, but for the most part those were spent with family or friends.

Residency is fairly isolating.  The hours are brutal, and especially in emergency medicine, unpredictable.  I have been fairly unsuccessful in keeping up a lot of friendships outside of the hospital, and for better or worse, my relationships have suffered as well.  My girlfriend - well, ex-girlfriend now - moved all of her furniture out of my house today, leaving indents on the carpet where memories once stood.

So, since residency ended, I have been not Dr. Zac, or a Resident, or a Medical Student, or a College Student, or any of the other identities I've assumed over the past 25-some years of school and training.

Right now, I'm just Zac, and that's kind of neat.  I guess I need to figure out who that is.

I start the next chapter of my life in a week.  I hope it's as interesting to read as it will be to write.

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  1. My personal observation is that adulthood (i.e. life after college) can be pretty isolating. Med school and residency can be too…. but not as much as having a job and not having a cohort of other people you’re going through it with. I think the loneliest time of my life was the year after I graduated from college.

    I’m sorry things didn’t work out with your girlfriend. That probably just makes it that much worse. 😛

    Been there. It sucks. You have my sympathies. You will get through this too though. Also, if you’re in the Philly area, I know plenty of attractive, smart, single women if you’re interested. ;-P

  2. Alone time is the time that really shapes you. I should know, I’ve had plenty of those! :-)

    You write magically. I almost don’t want to read through all your archives because I don’t want to finish them! To add to OMDG’s comment… come over to UK and there will be plenty of women here too! 😉

  3. Thanks for the offers, but for now I think I’ll be single for a while :)

    Also, Sunrise, you’ve finally helped me figure out how to respond to OMDG’s comments! I’ve literally puzzled over how to respond (Old Girl? Old? Old MD Girl?) for years since we’ve been writing our respective blogs!

  4. I don’t know what’s worse, being suddenly alone, or being alone all your life.

  5. Hey, being alone is great. Think of the freedom! The most you can ever regret is not doing something that you wanted, so grab life by the horns, and do what you couldn’t do when you were tied down in a relationship.

    I hope this new chapter in your life is full of worthwhile memories!

    PS. Love your blog


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