Flipping through my favorite blogs, I came across this entry by Fiznat.

It struck a chord with me, because over the past few days I’ve been echoing the mirror sentiment to his. Not jaded and trampled upon (hope you feel better, buddy!) but frustrated, confused, and above all, exhausted.

To follow up on the sentiments in my previous post - I’m just damn tired. I’m tired of waking up at 4:30 every morning and never leaving work earlier than 5… and being “on” the whole time. I’m tired of falling asleep for hours the instant I hit the comfy chair at home. I’m tired of trying to pry my eyes open during lectures that otherwise would be interesting. I’m really, really tired of feeling like medicine consumes everything in my life. And you know what makes me even more tired? The sobering realization that I could be this tired for the rest of my life.

I was in a pretty foul mood this morning because I just didn’t want to get out of bed… and it’s only been a week since I started obstetrics. I perked up a lot after seeing a few patients - I got to tell a woman her baby doesn’t have Down’s syndrome (bonus!) - but now that I’m home again I’m fighting the urge to pass out on the couch. Just like every other day.

So Fiznat, here’s the rub. You hate your job because it’s just a job. I hate my job because it’s consumed and infiltrated everything I do. I never realized I was signing my life away when I got accepted to medical school, but it’s pretty clear that I have. Right now, honestly all I want is “just” a job.