Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy


Burger or Steak?

I usually try to stay away from pointing out the silliness of individual classmates, but today it just has to happen. There is a person who asks a lot of ridiculous (usually quite funny and entertaining) questions.

Today was the most ridiculous of them all. We're learning about hemorrhagic enterocolitis due to E. coli food poisoning. Usually this is from ground beef, though recently it's been in the news as the Taco Bell Scare. This is because ground beef contains all sorts of grody stuff, including beef intestine, which is where the nasty little buggers are harbored. Since all the beef is churned up in a huge facility, the bacteria from one cow gets spread over thousands of delectable burger patties. When you undercook the burger, well, you've just won a free trip to Bloody Diarrhea World. Fun!

At one point the group leader mentioned that steaks were safe. In the off-chance that your steak has been contaminated, a couple minutes on the grill burns any offending microbes right off. The inside, no matter how rare, is safe to eat. And then it came.

So, ummmm... are we expected to distinguish between steak and burgers on the exam?

I lost it. The small group was painfully boring. We had been done - but couldn't leave - for 20 minutes and were going stir-crazy. We were already taking odds on whether it would be better to have hemorrhagic enterocolitis or stay in the lecture.

You see, this is such a completely pointless question. The amount of brainpower it takes to formulate the question is more than it would take to mentally file away burger bad, steak good. Furthermore, there is absolutely no way the question would ever show up on an exam. If it did, it might go a little something like this-

A woman presents with hemorrhagic enterocolitis... of the ass. Which of the following is the most likely cause of her rectal bleeding?
a) A succulent, juicy New York strip.
b) A tender, grilled lamb shank with mint jelly.
c) A Morton's gourmet hamburger, hand ground from rump meat.
d) Duck L'Orange.

I felt really bad but I could not stop laughing. Anyway, thank you, unnamed question-asker. You kept me entertained in a lecture that surely would have ended in my jumping out the 4th floor library windows.

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  1. whowasit whowasit whowasit whowasit?!?!?!?

  2. Valerie Plame. I did it again. DAMN IT!

  3. Those youtube Real Med Students of Genius clips are hilarious.

  4. I think I almost peed myself laughing.

  5. We had a girl like that in nursing school. Her specialty was dumb stories. I affectionately referred to her as the “band camp girl” …she reminded me of the red-head in American Pie starting each story with… “one time at band camp” (insert an annoying whine) Ughhh.

  6. I truly loved reading your blog. It was well written and easy to undertand. Unlike other blogs I have read. I also found it very interesting. Actually after reading, I had to go show the better half and she ejoyed it also!

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