Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy


But… why?

Lady, it's 4:17AM. Why are you bringing your child in for a "fever" of 99.2 degrees without any symptoms whatsoever? "Just to get him checked out" is not a good enough explanation.

Here are some possible reasons I came up with:

  1. Me and my boyfriend were up partying all night with blow and ecstasy and we decided to keep the party going all up in this hospital.
  2. I work at 5:30AM and this is the only time I could find to bring my kid in.
  3. The kids were up partying all night with ketamine and poppers, so I figured I'd get them checked out since they were still awake.
  4. We set our clocks ahead by three hours at my house so we're never late for anything.
  5. Something is horribly wrong with my child and I noticed it when he woke up from sleep at 4AM.

Since you've made it clear that #5 is not the answer, I guess I'll go with #1.  Also, ma'am, contrary to what you may think, being seen in the ER is not free. Giving our registration people a fake phone number isn't going to get you out of paying the bill.

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  1. The hospital ED I volunteer at just moved to a new location. The new ED has an exit next to the discharge / cashier and it’s one of those doors that you have to hold the bar down for 5 seconds before it will allow you to leave. I don’t imagine that it was much of an accident that the security desk is also right next to the exit either.

  2. Ah, the old “wrong phone number” trick. Goes along with the “made up SSN” or the “totally made up name” thing.

    I have learned when the patient doesn’t respond to their “name” maybe it is because it is NOT REALLY THEIR NAME which is why they are slow to respond, haha.

    Great blog!
    –The new intern :)

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