Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy


Canyon Ranch

So we had a personal trainer from Canyon Ranch come and talk to us today about the miracle benefits of exercise. The guy totally knew his stuff, and hit us up with all the amazing greatness that comes with daily exercise, etc. etc. etc.

But this, my friends, is Canyon Ranch. Canyon Ranch is one of the premier spa resorts in the nation. People fly in from all over the country and spend thousands and thousands of dollars to eat high-fiber, super-filling, low-calorie foods. They get massages. Personal trainers give them workouts tailored to their individual physiques and goals. I mean... this is not something even remotely applicable to the general public. With all of the emphasis that we've gotten on poor, uninsured people who can't afford to pay for antibiotics, at first I was a bit skeptical.

Anyhow, as the talk went on it got much more interesting. Apparently the average American eats 20,000 pounds of food per decade, and only puts on 10 pounds every 10 years. That amounts to a sum excess of only 9.5 calories per day (or, as Mr. Canyon Ranch said, 5 tic-tacs), which is really not that much. Also, for every additional pound of muscle you carry around, you burn 10-15 calories per day... which is more than 5 tic-tacs.

Think about that. Just by having more muscle, your body burns off its own fat as fuel. The number of calories that you burn during 30 minutes of jogging isn't limited to that 30 minutes- any additional muscle mass that you build up then has to be maintained. Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) can be your bestest friend.

Then he told us a story. A champion body builder came into Canyon Ranch for help with strength training. After doing all of their scans and tests, they realized that he required 6,500 calories per day just to maintain his BMR. In order to build more muscle mass he would probably have to increase that to 7,000- and he was having trouble packing that much food into a 24 hour period. He went home with some heavy-duty nutritional advice.

So it ended up being a pretty sweet talk. Take home message: get your patients to exercise. Or, have them make lots of money, and then give them a prescription to go to Canyon Ranch.

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