Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy

9Aug/07Off

Dumb Questions #1

I love checking my incoming links from google. I've been gradually getting more and more traffic, and it's always fun to see what comes up. Lets be honest, folks... what people search for from the privacy of their own homes is pretty enlightening. Who needs a mailbag when you have Google? Jimmy, put another category on the board!

Can jogging make you burn 7,000 calories a day?

No. No. No. Not in your wildest dreams. Maybe Lance Armstrong, but not you.

A 150 pound person can expect to burn roughly 100 calories per mile jogging. It would take you 70 miles to reach your goal, and assuming that you're running 10 minute miles, that means 700 minutes - or 11.5 hours - of "jogging". So, no, unless you're planning on running a marathon, every day, you can't burn 7,000 calories a day.

Can You Eat Haggis During Pregnancy?

Look, I've said it once if I've said it a thousand times. Haggis is always a terrible call, pregnant or not. Your unborn fetus will thank you.

How To Catch Chlamydia

I've actually seen this question come up multiple times now, so it's gotta be a popular one. Look, I can't imagine why you'd want to, but as they say, different strokes for different folks. I'm sure a spot of unprotected sex with prostitutes would do the trick. Or better yet; your boyfriend already had it and he's lying to you when he says "I have no idea where that rash came from". Probably far more likely.

By the way: to the person who searched for "my boyfriend sleeps with prostitutes" and got to the post that read "...sleeps with prostitutes and probably has gonorrhea"... I'm sure it isn't true. But, if you've got a frothy discharge, I suggest you go see a doctor, now.

Oh, and though it's slightly apples to oranges, as this seminal paper demonstrated, you pretty much can't catch Gonorrhea from a toilet seat, if that's what you meant.

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  1. Yes! Exactly!! Calories are a lot easier to eat than they are to burn.

    It pains me to no end when I see these slightly overweight women on the step machine. They “workout” for 15 minutes, burn about 150 calories, and then chug a 20 ounce Gatorade – about 500 calories!!

    They don’t realize that their workout just netted them 350 calories. Do that every day and they can gain 35 pounds a year!!!


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