Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy


Is Your Refrigerator Running?

Last night I was in the middle of calling a consult to one of our hospitalists. We've been friends since intern year, so it's always fun to have her as my admitting doc.

"What's up, Jenn? How've you been? Got a guy down here who needs your TLC."

"Hey, Zac! I'd be happy to fix him up. What's the situation?"

"Well," I said, "he's otherwise pretty healthy, but he's got this terrible pneumonia, he'll need some big gun antibio--"

At that moment, I trailed off. From the far hall I heard a crescendoing wail. Every doctor, nurse, and patient in the department turned their heads to stare in unison.

"I said don't touch me YOU BASTAAAAARDS!!!"

My jaw dropped. Sure enough, one of my psychotic patients was sprinting around the emergency department, buck naked, hair trailing behind her like a demented Venus, security guards frantically trying to stop her.

I heard Jenn laughing over the phone. "Your patient, I assume? You'd better go catch her! I'll make you a deal: I'll take care of the pneumonia if you promise not to admit crazy cat lady."

I chuckled, and promised I'd do my best. It's a good job - at least it's always entertaining!

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