Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy

Nair

So they say that pediatrics is more about the parents than the kids. I guess I chalked that up to hyperbole.

Good lord was I wrong.

The very first couple that I saw were bringing in their first baby (5 weeks old). The kid was absolutely adorable. Mom and Dad pounced on Dr. B like a hawk the second he walked in. Now, I'd like to point out a couple of things before I continue this story.

1) The dad is a doctor.
2) The mom is a (high powered) lawyer.
3) This is the kind of couple that can handle the running of a small country, survive shipwrecked on a deserted island, or find the cure for cancer. They were that smart.

They brought their baby in because of a rash. The conversation transpired as follows.

Dr. B: So this rash came on about a week ago?
Mom: Yes, probably 8 days or so.
Dad: She also has colic. I perform these maneuvers (he proceeds to show us a series of extremely painful-looking movements on the baby. She looks extremely unhappy) to help expel the flatulence from her rectum.
Dr. B: And where did you pick those up?
Dad: Oh, we use them in my practice. They're pretty standard (the baby begins to cry). Honey, do you want to tell him about the hair?
Mom: Oh... I freaked out because she had little soft downy hairs all over her shoulder, back, and forehead. I don't want her to look like a caveman.
Dad interjects: Y'see, doc, the women on my side of the family... I don't know if you noticed, but I'm Indian (he's very obviously Indian) and they all have really awful facial hair. It's pretty gross.
Mom: Yeah, I figured I'd nip it in the bud... and so I used Nair all over her.
Dad: But that's not why we're here. We're wondering what's causing her rash.

Uncomfortably long pause.

Dr. B: It's probably the Nair.

Somehow I managed to stop from giggling. I love medicine.

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