Agraphia Medical Tragicomedy


Public Enemy #1

I was doing vaccines today for the free clinic that we run. The only thing you really need to know about this is that we have this woman, Paula, who is in charge of the whole thing.

Paula's entire life is a power trip.

Anyway, I was giving a Hep A vaccine to a 6 year old girl, spanish speaking only. Paula's got an 18-point long checklist of the things that you need to run through before you give a vaccine. The vaccine coordinator and I check them. Twice. Because we KNOW how nasty Paula can be.

As I'm about to give this poor little girl her shot, Paula runs into the room and starts screaming. "What are you doing!? Oh my god I wasn't informed about this! Why are you doing this? You need approval from me! Did you do the checklist?!?"

As she is screaming at us, the girl's eyes go wide. She curls up in her mom's arms. Imagine that you are in a free clinic, 6 years old, about to get a shot, and some mean lady comes in and starts screaming in a language you don't understand. Candace, my coordinator, cooly tells Paula that we have, in fact, run through the checklist. Paula makes us run through it, again, in front of her. Turns out she's upset because we had the attending physician sign off on the vaccine, not Paula. This is not in her beloved checklist.

I finally give this poor girl her shot. She's crying by now. She's so tensed up I can't even get the needle all the way in... and I can't do anything to calm her down because I don't speak Spanish.

Congrats, Paula. You just earned yourself another enemy. I hope you're reading this.

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