I suppose the title’s a little misleading, because there are few days that I don’t look like a jackass. Be that as it may…

I was following a very high-strung surgeon around a few weeks ago, and we were cruising back and forth across the hospital to see patients in the 5 minutes we had between cases. Did I mention the guy was high-strung? I meant manic. We were literally running.

Anyhow, as is normal for me, I felt like my hands were dirty. I always feel like my hands are dirty. I routinely stick my fingers in orifices that would get me arrested in any other circumstance, and even though I’ve got gloves on, I still feel contaminated.

As we sprinted past a wall-mounted alcohol dispenser, I reached over to spurt some on my hands. Unfortunately this time the cleaning professional† neglected to snap the dispenser in place. I guess I hadn’t realized how much force I normally put on those things to get the sanitizer out, but the point is, as it flew off the wall – breaking in the process – I lost my center of gravity.

BOOM! Down I went.

Naturally, this happened in the busiest possible intersection in the hospital, overflowing with various nurses, techs, doctors, patients, etc. Wide-eyed stares all around. The doc looked back to see why I had stopped talking, only to start laughing as he saw me on the floor covered in antiseptic. A patient muttered “hate to be him…”, chuckling under his breath.

Nothing hurt but my pride.

† PC for “janitor”